If a relationship begins, you should be sure you are
evaluating it from a biblical perspective. [1]
Just because it “feels right” doesn’t mean it is a good relationship. And just
because each of you has flaws doesn’t mean you should end a relationship (if
that were the case, only Jesus would be qualified to be your date).
This is a key aspect of pursuing marriage. JC Ryle
points us to why it is important when he wrote,
And who can estimate the importance of a right choice in
marriage? It is a step which, according to the old saying, “either makes a man
or mars him.” Your happiness in both lives may depend on it. Your wife must
either help your soul or harm it: there is no medium. She will either fan the
flame of religion in your heart, or throw cold water upon it and make it burn
low. She will either be wings or fetters, a rein or a spur to your
Christianity, according to her character. He that findeth a good wife doth indeed
“findeth a good thing” (Pro 18:22).[2]
You should evaluate whether or not the relationship
encourages each of you to love, obey, and serve God. Do you encourage each
other to know God’s Word and to obey it? Is he demonstrating qualities that
indicate he is a good spiritual leader?[3] Is
she supportive of godly leadership? Is Christ central to each of you and to
your relationship? You are not just looking for someone who says they love Jesus. You are looking
for someone who demonstrates a
genuine love for Jesus in obedience to Him (John 14:21).
You should also consider whether or not the
relationship is helping you love and serve others or if it is becoming inward
focused. God calls you to serve and love others in the body of Christ, not just
a particular person you are interested in pursuing for the purpose of marriage.
Another area to examine is your track record of
handling conflict. When you get two sinful people together there will be times
of conflict. When those times come, how do you handle it? Do work through them
in a God-honoring way? Being willing to
solve problems in a biblical way is key to a God-honoring relationship.
As things
progress, you should look to see if you are heading in the same direction in
life. If his desire is to be a Bible translator in Papua New Guinea and your
desire is to live in Tallahassee, Florida and serve in your local church, then
you need to have some serious discussion about that difference. If you marry
one another, you will need to be going in one direction. Once you are married
you are on the same path whether you like it or not. So, take time to evaluate
it now. Obviously, you do not know what the future holds, but you must plan
your ways even as you trust the Lord to direct your steps (Prov. 3:5-6).
As I have mentioned before, make sure to include an
older godly man and woman in the process. Ask them to help evaluate your
relationship. It is easy to let ourselves be blinded by infatuation. A godly
Christian friend can often see these blind spots and help us see where we are
ignoring problems or where we are making a bigger issue out of something than
we really should.
If at any time it becomes clear that this
relationship does not need to continue, you should lovingly let the other
person know. It is not kind to let things continue once you have decided not to
pursue marriage to this person.
This is part of the series God, Singleness, and Marriage: How the Bible Gives Purpose and Direction to Singles
[1]
To help in evaluating a relationship I suggest using the article “Should We Get
Married? Five ‘Pre engagement’ Questions to Ask Yourselves,” by David Powlison
and John Yenchko. You can purchase it at www.ccef.org.
[2] Thoughts for Young Men, pg. 28.
[3] He
doesn’t have to be a more intelligent than you to be able to do this. He just
needs to love God even more than he loves you.
Copyright Ben Khazraee. You may share this article with others, but please direct them to this blog rather than posting the text to your own website, blog, etc. You may share printed copies with friends as long as you do not charge more than the cost of producing the copies.
No comments:
Post a Comment