For the introduction to this series on temptations faced by singles click here.
Pride
As I have noted, a sin closely associated with envy is pride. In my pride, I think I deserve better than what I have, therefore, I
envy the blessings others receive. But, there are other dangers when it comes
to pride. Let’s turn our attention to these dangers.
There are two sides of the “pride coin.” One is what
we typically think about when we hear the word pride. That is an arrogant, boastful individual. Perhaps you think
there is no one good enough or godly enough or beautiful enough for you. You
may not say it that way. You are simply looking for your “soul mate” or “the
perfect 10.” Or maybe you are more modest and just want someone whom you think
measures up to whatever you are on the “wonderful scale” (perhaps an 8.5?). Not
just any guy or girl will do. You have your checklist.
It is not wrong to have standards for those you
would consider marrying. The Bible even gives you some direction in this area, but
the biblical checklist is actually pretty short. Basically, they must be a
Christian who is evidencing true, saving faith and a member of the opposite sex.[1]
Pride, however, adds more and more things to the list and makes the focus your
own selfish desires (cf. Phil 2:3-4). Humility will seek biblical wisdom in
deciding who to date and marry, but it also seeks to love another person in
spite of his or her flaws.[2]
So, what we have just considered is the pride of
arrogance or boasting. But this is not the only way pride is manifested. Here
is how Pastor John Piper describes the different manifestations of pride:
Boasting is the response of pride
to success. Self-pity is the response of pride to suffering. Boasting says, ‘I
deserve admiration because I have achieved so much.’ Self-pity says, ‘I deserve
admiration because I have sacrificed so much.’ Boasting is the voice of pride
in the heart of the strong. Self-pity is the voice of pride in the heart of the
weak. … The need self-pity feels does not come from a sense of unworthiness,
but from a sense of unrecognized worthiness.[3]
Let’s think for a minute about self-pity. This type
of pride boasts in pain. When you hear a married friend speak of his or her
struggles with children do you begin to think, “I would love to have those problems
instead of my loneliness”? Isn’t that just comparing one form of difficulty
with another in a way that makes your own problems seem better (or really
worse)? Such pride keeps you from “weeping with those who weep” (Rom. 12:15).
Or perhaps this pride comes out when a family member
or church member tries to encourage you, and your thought is, “You don’t
understand my situation.” And that might be true. Maybe they haven’t taken the
time to understand. Maybe they don’t understand experientially, but wouldn’t a humble heart respond by listening
and reflecting on what they say?
The solution is to begin by noting where you are
struggling with pride. If it is boasting, recognize that every good thing you
have is from God (James 1:17). Furthermore, the good traits you have are to be
used for God’s glory and the good of others. Spend some time meditating on
Philippians 2:1-7, and then look for and be aware of areas where you are
looking out for your own interests above the interests of others.
So if there is any
encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the
Spirit, any affection and sympathy, 2 complete
my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord
and of one mind. 3 Do nothing from
selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than
yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not
only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. 5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in
Christ Jesus, 6 who, though he was in
the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but emptied himself, by taking the form of a
servant, being born in the likeness of men. (Phil. 2:1-7)
If your pride is in the form of self-pity, then
realize that your weaknesses are intended to put Christ on display. The Lord
told Paul that the weaknesses He gave Paul were intended to highlight God’s
power and grace.
But
he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my
power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will
boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may
rest upon me. 10 For the sake of
Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions,
and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong (2 Cor. 12:9-10).
Do
you believe God’s strength is enough to sustain you in this trying time? Are
you able to say that “for the sake of Christ…I am content with weaknesses,” knowing
you will experience His sustaining strength? [4]
This is part of the series God, Singleness, and Marriage: How the Bible Gives Purpose and Direction to Singles.
[1]
There are other issues that it would be wise to consider (ex. what are their
goals in life? Do they have a track record of handling conflict biblically?).
Also, if there is a previous divorce, there is more to be considered. A good article on this whole subject is
“Should We Get Married? Five Pre-Engagement Questions to Ask Yourselves” by
David Powlison and John Yenchko (found in the Journal of Biblical Counseling
Vol. 14.3 Spring 1996. Also available in a booklet form from CCEF).
[2]
Don’t misunderstand. I am not advocating dating or marrying someone who has
serious, un-dealt with sin issues. A godly relationship is centered on God, and
until individuals considering marriage deal with major patterns of sin, they
will not be in close communion with God.
[3]
Desiring God: Meditations of a Christian
Hedonist, pg. 302.
[4]
For help in battling pride, check out Stuart Scott’s booklet From Pride to Humility or CJ Mahaney’s
book Humility: True Greatness.
Copyright Ben Khazraee. You may share this article with others, but please direct them to this blog rather than posting the text to your own website, blog, etc. You may share printed copies with friends as long as you do not charge more than the cost of producing the copies.
