As Christians, we are to display God’s character to one
another and a watching world, therefore holiness is not optional for the Christian.
We are ambassadors of the holy God of the universe, so we must be holy. Such
holiness means living within the guidelines God has given us for sexuality and
purity. Holiness involves more than that, but it is surely not less than that.
In the season of singleness, temptations towards sexual sin can be strong. So,
we would do well to prepare for facing them.
That God calls Christians, married and single, to sexual
fidelity and purity is clear in Scripture. Here is one example from 1 Thessalonians
4:3-8:
3 For
this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; 4 that
each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, 5 not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who
do not know God; 6 that
no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is
an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned
you. 7 For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. 8 Therefore
whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit
to you. (emphasis mine)
Verse six says that we must not “transgress
and wrong” one another in the matter of purity. To transgress is to go beyond
the proper limits of behavior. The Greek word for “wrong” means “to take
advantage of, exploit, outwit, defraud, or cheat someone.”[1]
To engage in sexual immorality or to look lustfully (or desire to have others
think you look sexy) is to take advantage of others. It is to take what does
not belong to you for selfish gain. This is the case whether it is their body
or their special attention which should belong only to a (future) spouse. So,
how can you avoid defrauding someone?
When it comes to sexual behavior, we are to relate in
appropriate ways based on the relationships we have. Paul tells Timothy to
treat older women like mothers and younger women like sisters, with all purity
(1 Tim. 5:2). He tells Titus to make sure the older women instruct the younger
women to be pure (Titus 2:5). This means that if you are a man, every woman who
is not your wife, even if she is your girlfriend or fiancée, is in the category
of “sister.” If you are a woman, every man who is not your husband is your
“brother.” There is not a special category in which you can take the physical
to the next level simply because you are “more committed” to each other. There
is no category of “friend with benefits.”
Being engaged does not change the fact that you are still unmarried.
Your relationship is that of brother and sister.
Thinking that physical intimacy is simply commensurate to
your level of commitment fails to understand the biblical view of marriage and
sexuality. And what is the Biblical understanding of sex and marriage?
Sex is part of God’s good design for marriage. Marriage and
sexuality are intended to put Jesus and his bride, the Church, on display.[2]
This is why fornication[3]
is so wrong. Read what theologian Dr. Russell Moore says about it:
Fornication
isn’t merely “premarital.” Premarital is the language of timing, and with it we
infer that this is simply the marital act misfired at the wrong time. But
fornication is, both spiritually and typologically, a different sort of act
from the marital act. That’s why the consequences are so dire.
Fornication
pictures a different reality than the mystery of Christ presented in the
one-flesh union of covenantal marriage. It represents a Christ who uses his
church without joining her, covenantally and permanently, to himself. The man
who leads a woman into sexual union without a covenantal bond is preaching to
her, to the world, and to himself a different gospel from the gospel of Jesus
Christ. And he is forming a real spiritual union, the Apostle Paul warns, but
one with a different spirit than the Spirit of Christ (1 Cor. 6:15, 19).[4]
So, what is sex, biblically speaking? Sex is
the God-honoring, service to your spouse that is the sign of your covenant
relationship. Sex is the sign of
the covenant. It reveals the covenant reality that the two are one flesh.
Now, granted that sex is sinful for those who are not
married, how should our level of physical intimacy look prior to marriage? Is
it OK to become more physically involved as our dating relationship progresses (as
long as we avoid “going all the way)?” Is our physical intimacy proportionate
to our level of commitment, finally reaching intercourse once we make the
ultimate level of commitment?
...we'll turn our attention to this question in the next post.
This is part of the series God, Singleness, and Marriage: How the Bible Gives Purpose and Direction to Singles.
[1]“πλεονεκτέω” in Arndt,
W., Danker, F. W., & Bauer, W. A Greek-English lexicon of the New
Testament and other early Christian literature (3rd ed.).
[2]There
are other ways we put Christ on display. So, those who are single do not need
to fear they will be unable to put Christ on display if they never marry. The
single shows Christ by living a life that is undivided in devotion to Christ.
Having joy in Christ and his kingdom, even when your own kingdom (family) is
not being built puts the glory and worthiness of Christ on display to a world
that only looks at the physical. See chapters 1-2 and the conclusion.
[3]
See 1 Cor. 6:9 NASB, Heb. 13:4 NASB. Fornication is the biblical word for sexual
immorality between unmarried people.
Copyright Ben Khazraee. You may share this article with others, but please direct them to this blog rather than posting the text to your own website, blog, etc. You may share printed copies with friends as long as you do not charge more than the cost of producing the copies.
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