The Problem with Flirting

What comes to mind when you think of flirting? I think we could all give some description to it, but if you are like me it seems a hard to give definition to it. And that matters, because when we can't clearly describe or define it, then it becomes harder to evaluate biblically.

I was helped in the area as I was reading Marshall Segal's chapter "Good News for the Not-Yet-Married" in the book Designed for Joy: How the gospel impacts men and women, identity and practice. After reading his chapter and thinking a bit, I think a good definition of flirting might be, trying to garner the special attention of a person by using your words, actions, and attention to generate a higher than normal sense of curiosity in their mind about yourself. It generally involves ambiguous words, actions, and forms of attention. 

With that in mind, is this OK for Christians to engage in? Obviously this is not a good thing for Christians who are married to attempt. But what about the unmarried? My opinion is that this is not an activity that fits with Christian love. Paul said in Galatians 3:3-4, 

For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’

It seems to me that flirtation is more "me" focused than "other" focused. It is a self-promoting and other-person-confusing activity. In other-words, it doesn't seem to aim at "serving one another." Marshall Segal seems to agree when he writes,

In our oversexualized culture, flirtation has become a native tongue, especially in our high schools and colleges. Fight the temptation to try and win affection or admiration through cavalier, empty, and suggestive lines and attention. Instead of always trying to create curiosity, be known for pure motives and unmistakable clarity (pg. 104). 

Christian love is marked by pure motives and, so, it involves communicating clearly. Love compels us to be clear about our intentions and clear about our feelings. Flirtation seems to lend itself to neither.

I'd be interested to hear from you. Send me an email or add a comment.