"Love and the 'Piece of Paper'"

I thought this quote from Tim Keller's book The Meaning of Marriage (pg. 79-80), was very insightful.

I remember some years ago watching a television drama in which a man and a woman who were living together were having and argument over whether to get married. He wanted to go ahead and do it, but she did not. At one point she blew up and said, "Why do we need a piece of paper in order to love one another? I don't need a piece of paper to love you! It only complicates things." 

That statement stuck with me, because as a pastor in New York City, I have heard essentially the same thing from younger adults for years. When the woman said, "I don't need a piece of paper to love you," she was using a very specific definition of "love." She was assuming that love is, in its essence, a particular kind of feeling. She was saying, "I feel romantic passion for you, and the piece of paper doesn't enhance that at all, and it may hurt it." She was measuring love mainly by how emotionally desirous she was for his affection. And she was right that the marital legal "piece of paper" would do little or nothing directly to add to the feeling. 

But when the Bible speaks of love, it measures it primarily not by how much you want to receive but by how much you are willing to give of yourself to someone. How much are you willing to lose for the sake of the person? How much of your freedom are you willing to forsake? How much of your precious time, emotion, and resources are you willing to invest in this person? And for that, the marriage vow is not just helpful but it is even a test. In so many cases, when one person says to another, "I love you, but let's not ruin it by getting married," that person really means, "I don't love you enough to close off all my options. I don't love you enough to give myself to you that thoroughly."