The Beauty of The Gender Binary

In the first post in this series, I noted that philosophers have long noted the three categories of truth, goodness, and beauty. Every person longs for what is true, good, and beautiful because God has implanted it in us. Furthermore, those three are wed in an indissoluble union. If something is not true, then it is not good. If it is not good, then it is not objectively beautiful. 

The question we have examined is whether the gender binary or transgender view of humanity accords with the truth and goodness. We have found that understanding humans as immutably male or female (and the corresponding gender) is true and therefore good. Today, I will briefly discuss the beauty of God's design.. 

Objective Beauty

“Beauty . . . awakens a longing within us for a world where everything is as it should be, where everything fits together in the right way.”[1]  Ultimately, beauty is objective because God designed the world and gives it the template for beauty. Thus, “beauty emerges when the material and spiritual creation is shaped according to the divine design.”[2] 

This argument is obviously based on the previous two issues of truth and goodness. If one disagrees with the above assessment (i.e., that the gender binary accords with what is true and good), it is unlikely that the binary will appear beautiful. For those that have eyes to see, however, it is lovely. 

The Gender Binary is Beautiful

The binary is beautiful because it cultivates a budding and flowering process in humanity. As Anthony Esolen observes, “The boyishness of the boy is to come to flowering in manhood and fatherhood. The girlishness of the girl is to come to flowering in womanhood and motherhood. That is what the sexes are for. We want no longer to deny reality. We want to work in harmony with it.”[3] The binary is the rich soil that produces wonderful flowers in life.

On the other hand, transgenderism is like an orchestra in which there is no composer or music to ensure everyone is on the same page. The musicians show up with instruments they have never played before, and some even show up with instruments that they made with no expertise. These musicians then play what they want when they want. Such self-determination and lack of design can only result in a cacophony. It leaves nothing to enjoy or dance to. 

The gender binary, however, is beautiful in the same way that an orchestra makes a wonderful tune. There are certain musical realities and defined roles that provide structure to what is going on. The composer expresses creativity in a way that highlights harmony. The musicians each fill their roles and play in ways that fit the musical design of the composer. The music produced prompts joy within those who experience it. The gender binary is written into reality by God and performed in the lives of people. It gives people a beautiful song to dance to.

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[1] Gould, Cultural Apologetics, 104.

[2] Wainwright, 24.

[3] Anthony Esolen, Out of the Ashes: Rebuilding American Culture (Washington, DC: Regnery Publishing, 2017), 96.

The Gender Binary is Good Because It is God's Design

We have been looking at the goodness of the fact that God has made two genders. By "goodness," we are indicating that it lines up with what is right and, therefore, leads to human flourishing. Today, we will finish talking about the goodness of gender by looking at how it fits God's design for humanity. 

Relating to God's Design for Humanity

God created the binary of male and female and said that his design was “very good” (Gen 1:31). God’s design also indicates that one of the main purposes for this binary is to provide complementary roles in which men and women work together to accomplish what God has given humanity to do. The binary is good because it enables men and women to marry, produce offspring, and employ complementary giftings as they exercise dominion over the creation (whether they are married or not). 

God created humanity to embody and image his benevolent rule of the created order (see Genesis 1). Yet, his design was for a man and a woman to represent him together. Thus, the design that the wise creator implanted in the world was two complementary sexes and corresponding genders which, together, display his character and rule over creation. God could have designed many different forms of gender. He could have designed just one. Instead, he created two that are equally human and complementary to one another (that is their roles are distinct and work together to accomplish God's purposes).  

We will look more at the flourishing that the binary produces in the next posts when we look at the beauty of God designing two genders. 

Affirming the Gender Binary is a Good Gift for Kids

Many proponents of transgender ideology continue to argue that children should not be raised as the gender that corresponds to their sex. In the transgender view, gender is not something decided for a person, but something a person decides for himself. In this view, then, we are forcing something on children by treating them as a boy or girl. But is that the case? Or is training a child to live as a boy or girl a recognition of reality (truth) that proves to be a gracious gift that God has given us (good)?

“In a culture where transgender identities are not only affirmed but celebrated, everyone will be compelled to construct their own gender identity, unaided by a common understanding of sex differences and why they matter.”[1] This “self-making” principle of transgenderism will prove oppressive to children. It will not help them find their place in the world. To illustrate this, imagine a person born into a world where transgenderism and the requirement to self-identify were taken at full face value. The ultrasound technician and the doctor could not tell the parents anything about their child’s gender (though, ironically, the child could only come into existence because a man and woman were involved at some point). The parents could not “impose” any gender on their child either. When identity is only a self-determined psychological category, the only way forward is to let the child decide. This “places a huge responsibility on the shoulders of the child (‘Only you can decide who you are . . . not even your own body can give any help here’).”[2] In practice, however, it might be that others are quite willing to shape the child’s view of themselves by pushing a transgender identity on them. Is it good to decide for a child, or even to let the child decide, to go on a sex-reassignment quest? [3]

Despite our culture's messaging, we cannot be anything we want to be. Such a notion is not true. It is not freeing to believe something that is contrary to reality. Rather, embracing reality and living in accord with it provides true freedom. It's like a train. A train is not freer by jumping off the tracks. It is free when it operates according to its design. The same is true of children (and all of us). Recognizing that the gender binary is true is a good gift for parents to give to their son or daughter. To muddy the waters of what is obvious is not good. It is confusing at best and damaging at worst. Children gain stability and freedom when we affirm the goodness of their boyness or girlness.


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[1] Ryan T. Anderson “Neither Androgyny nor Stereotypes: Sex Differences and the Difference They Make.” Texas Review of Law & Politics 24, no. 1 (Fall 2019): 262.

[2] Carl R. Trueman, The Rise and Triumph of the Modern Self: Cultural Amnesia, Expressive Individualism, and the Road to Sexual Revolution (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2020), 377-378.

[3] A major hospital in Sweden has announced it will stop giving puberty-blocking drugs to minors (see https://thefederalist.com/2021/05/05/major-swedish-hospital-stops-prescribing-puberty-blockers-hormone-treatments-for-children/). In addition, a UK court ruled that children under 16 likely cannot give informed consent to such treatments (see https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-cambridgeshire-55144148). That is an understatement, but at least it was the right decision.

The Gender Binary is Good for Relating to Others

In this series, I am looking at the truth, goodness, and beauty of God's design of men and women (the gender binary). I began looking at the goodness of the binary. In the last post, we saw that it is good for a person to seek to bring feelings in line with who they are made to be (biologically). In other words, recognizing that one cannot change his or her God-given gender or sex is a good way to relate to one's self. Today, I will look at how it is also good for how one relates to others in society. 

Relating to Others 

Transgenderism is based on a worldview of radical individualism. The individual determines personal reality when it comes to his or her sex and gender. Such thinking represents a hyper-individualism that is anti-social to the extreme. It is anti-social because gender is a core reality that affects human interactions. It is one of the main things that allow people to know how to properly relate to one another. 

According to the logic of transgenderism, “you can choose to change your gender identity as often as you change your clothes.”1  Not every person who identifies as transgender changes their identity frequently, but the logic requires that it is possible. If that is the case, then how can anyone know how to relate to others? There is no social stability. Furthermore, one would always have to be afraid of “getting it wrong” and offending the transgender person because the outward appearance offers no evidence of the person's sex or gender. 

What makes this so anti-social is that it is all based on a person’s feelings and ignores the reality that is visible to others. If physical gender markers mean nothing and self-identification means everything, then the terrain of personal interaction is always subject to capriciousness. Capriciousness does not make for thriving human relationships. 

Contrast this with the stability of the gender binary. A person’s physical appearance matches his or her sex and gender. Relationships are not based on one person forcing an invisible narrative on all those around him or her.2 Instead, relationships are defined by what is evident to all and unchanging. The gender binary recognizes individual uniqueness (not every man or woman has the exact same way of expressing themselves), but it does not give way to radical individualism. This provides clarity and stability, which leads to relational harmony. That is good for relationships. 

1. Allan Metcalf, "What's your pgp?" Lingua Franca (A blog of the Chronicle of Higher Education, September 2, 2014 http://chronicle.com/blogs/linguafranca/2014/09/02/whats-your-pgp/.

2. This is not to deny that the person might be experience very complicated feelings. It is not my intent to minimize this experience by stating the facts. I do believe that compassion requires truth-telling though. 

Is "Sex-Reassignment" Surgery Good?

 In the last post, I established that everyone (except for a nihilist) believes that there is such a thing as "good" and "right." Now, we will look at whether the gender binary is the good and right way to relate to self, others, and one’s telos (i.e., the purpose for which God made us). In this post, we'll look at whether "sex-reassignment" is good and right. 

Is "Sex-Reassignment" Surgery (or altering the body) Good?

People experiencing gender dysphoria have trouble aligning their psychological gender with their biological sex. In a fallen world, it is not surprising to find suffering in which some people experience feelings of alienation from their own bodies. 

The question is, What is the good and right thing to do in the face of such suffering? It seems as though seeking to align the person’s psychological and physical aspects is correct, but which one should be reoriented? The transgender viewpoint would say so-called sex-reassignment surgery is one way to handle it (thus bringing the body in line with inner feelings). The binary viewpoint argues that the internal feelings should be addressed to bring them closer to physical reality.

When confusion exists in the mind and body is it good to alter the body? Perhaps a parallel question would help. “Would it be kind to tell someone suffering from anorexia that their self-perception of being overweight is correct simply because that is how they perceive themselves?”[1] Would the course of treatment be to have them starve themselves to shave off the psychological perception of being overweight?

In a recent study on “Gaining ‘The Quarantine 15’: Perceived Versus Observed Weight Changes in College Students in the Wake of COVID-19,” psychologist Pamala Keel noted that while many perceived they added pounds due to the quarantine, the objective measurements showed that most did not. What was her counsel? “Keel recommended people use objective measures instead of subjective feelings to evaluate the effects of the pandemic on their weight.”[2] If seeking to align a person’s perception with reality is good in terms of treating eating disorders, surely the same is true with the issue of gender dysphoria. 

The gender binary is good because it helps people rightly relate to themselves by affirming what is objectively true about them. Though feelings of dysphoria might not disappear this side of heaven, affirming objective reality is the only way to direct a person towards what is ultimately good for them and right according to God’s design. In other words, it is the only path to true flourishing. The same cannot be said of affirming transgenderism, which produces “pain, uncertainty, and [an] endless search for holistic personhood.”[3]  

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[1] Walker, God and the Transgender Debate, 72.

[2] “FSU Researchers Find the ‘Quarantine 15’ Weight Gain Might Just be in Your Head,” https://news.fsu.edu/news/2020/12/16/fsu-researchers-find-the-quarantine-15-weight-gain-might-just-be-in-your-head/

[3] Andrew T. Walker, “HBO’s Transhood Makes the Argument Against Transgenderism,” https://cbmw.org/2020/11/25/hbos-transhood-makes-the-argument-against-transgenderism/

The Gender Binary is Good: Is There Such a Thing as "Goodness"?

We have looked at "truth" of the gender binary (Scientific Data and Reason). Now it is time to ask whether it is good. In this post, I will give some introductory thoughts on the notion of goodness. Then, in the next posts, I will begin to demonstrate why the binary of the two sexes is good.

Is There Such a Thing as "Goodness"?

Goodness corresponds to what is right. “The good life is a flourishing life, a life rightly ordered with respect to self, others, and our end.”[1]  In a world created by the triune God, “goodness is achieved when personal creatures live and act according to their Creator’s character and purpose for them.”[2] 

Before looking at whether the gender binary is right and leads to a flourishing life, it is important to address whether there is such a thing as objective morality. The postmodern view that undergirds transgenderism claims that there is no such thing as objective righteousness. However, those who hold that view are quick to claim that transgenderism is right and leads to flourishing and that the gender binary view does the opposite. This proves that they actually do believe in objective goodness. As C.S. Lewis put it,

The moment you say that one set of moral ideas can be better than another, you are, in fact, measuring them both by a standard, saying that one of them conforms to that standard more nearly than the other. But the standard that measures the two things is something different from either. You are, in fact, comparing them both with some Real Morality, admitting that there is such a thing as real Right, independent of what people think, and that some people’s ideas get nearer to the real Right than others.[3]

So, no one, except for a nihilist, truly doubts that goodness exists objectively.[4] People often disagree over what constitutes "the good," but they believe it does exist. 

Now the question is whether the gender binary is the good and right way to relate to self, others, and one’s telos (i.e., the purpose for which God made us). We will take up that question in the next several posts. 

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[1] Gould, Cultural Apologetics, 148.

[2] Wainwright, 24.

[3] C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity, 25.

[4] A nihilist is someone who believes there is truly no such thing as right and wrong. Thus, a true nihilist (of which there are almost none) would believe that helping an old lady across the street is the same as shooting her. Neither act is better or worse. All acts are ultimately meaningless for the nihilist.

What is True about Gender? Applying Reason

Having laid out the empirical data that proves a sexual binary in the last post, it is important to now consider if it is rational to conclude that there is a gender binary. Before answering that, it will prove helpful to distinguish between sex, gender, and gender identity. “Sex is biological, recognized in the observable world; gender is sociological, recognized in the perceptions of masculinity and femininity in human society; and gender identity is psychological, recognized as an individual’s personal interaction with the observable world within human society.”[1] 

Is it rational for a person who is a biological man (sex) to think that he is a woman trapped in a man’s body (gender identity) because different cultures have different views of what is masculine or feminine (gender)? Ultimately, the issue is whether it is rational for people to make their “inner psychological convictions absolutely decisive for who they are.”[2]

This subjective notion of truth and reality is only possible in a postmodern worldview. Postmodernism claims that “reality is not an objective fact or a comprehensive truth, but a set of socially constructed ideas and social systems.”[3]  In such a system, gender is merely a social construct that can be reconstructed according to whether a person feels connected to his or her biological sex or not. Is that view rational? The answer is “No” for at least two reasons.  

First, while gender is a sociological and cultural category, it is not unrelated to the biological reality of sex. The two are integrally intertwined. Every culture may view expressions of masculinity and femininity slightly differently (such as the masculinity of wearing a kilt in Scotland versus the femininity of wearing a skirt in America). However, every culture has a concept of gender that is fundamentally tied to the notion that there is a binary—men dress like men and women dress like women. “Gender properly understood is a social manifestation of human nature, springing forth from biological realities. . . . Gender is socially shaped, but it is not a mere social construct. It originates in biology.”[4]

Second, applying the postmodern logic of transgenderism to other areas of life demonstrates a serious lack of coherence. Reality cannot be determined based on a person’s psychological experience or desires. An extended quote from Carl Trueman illustrates the point:

I might truly desire to be Marie Antoinette, queen of France—indeed, I might happily decide to self-identify as such—but my body is male, has a genetic code provided by my English parents, is physically located in Pennsylvania, and exists chronologically in the twenty-first century. Being Marie Antoinette is therefore not a viable option for me. My body, not my psychology, has the last word on whether I am the last queen of France in the eighteenth century.[5]

The incoherence of transgenderism’s logic is further illuminated by a legal case in which a Dutch man asked a court to change his birth certificate to make him 49 years old rather than 69 years old (his biological age). “He claimed he did not feel 69 and said his request was consistent with other forms of personal transformation gaining acceptance around the world, such as the right to change name or gender.”[6] The court rejected his argument for pragmatic reasons. However, it is obvious that the unreasonable view of reality is the issue.

The foundation that transgenderism is built upon is shaky ground. Where does one draw the line? What if a 50-year-old man wanted to identify as a high school student and enroll in elementary school? What if a six-foot-tall white man wanted to identify as a five-foot-tall black woman?  

Summary: The Gender Binary Accords with Truth

In summary, the gender binary is established by empirical data and reason. In other words, it accords with truth. It is the reality set by God who created humanity as male and female (Genesis 1:27). The transgender position can only find support by locating truth decisively in psychological experience. Such a view is not in line with reality or tenable. Now it is time to turn to examine the issue of gender in light of goodness.

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[1] Jonathan Parnell, “Being a Man and Acting Like One” in Designed for Joy: How the Gospel Impacts Men and Women, Identity and Practice, ed. By Jonathan Parnell and Owen Strachan, 27.

[2] Trueman, 23.

[3] Mohler, We Cannot be Silent, 71.

[4] Neither Androgyny nor Stereotypes, 215. Emphasis added.

[5] Trueman 165. 

[6] “Dutch court rejects man’s request to be 20 years younger” https://www.theguardian.com/world/2018/dec/03/dutch-court-rejects-emile-ratelband-request-20-years-younger

What is True about Gender? The Scientific Data

 In the last post, I began a series on the truth, goodness, and beauty of the gender binary. Today, I continue the series by starting to look at the issue of truth. Today's post will examine facts. The next post will look at rationality. 

Truth and the Question of Gender

Truth is that which accords with reality. In scientific inquiry, truth is what accords with physical reality. In rational inquiry, truth is what accords with logical reality. Ultimately, in a universe created by the triune God, “truth is found when created reality appears in the light of its Creator and his disposition of it.”[1] Does the gender binary accord with truth?

Those who hold to the view that the gender binary is reality are now labeled as “transphobic.” This ad hominem attack aims to make the binary position seem irrational at best and bigoted at worst. But is that the case? Or is there truth to the binary so that the issue is one of what is true and rational rather than an irrational phobia? This post seeks to use empirical data to demonstrate that the gender binary is the true understanding of reality. The next post will build on this and use reason to prove it. 

Scientific Data

It is becoming common for transgender idealogues to speak of “sex assigned at birth.” The statement implies that sex is merely something foisted upon an individual by a doctor who declares, “It’s a boy” or “It’s a girl.” Embryologists, however, tell a different story based on empirical data. These doctors are not confused about how many sexes exist or the fact that sex is present at conception via a biological process. Christians add that this biological process is designed by God so that he assigns a person the identity of male or female.

At the moment of conception, the newly formed person is a male or female.  The chromosomes carried by the sperm determine the sex. An “X” carrying sperm from the male unites with an ovum from the female and generates a female, while a “Y” carrying sperm generates a male.[2] Thus, a person’s chromosomes determine his or her sex.

The genetic information normally determines the development of the body so that it manifests male or female sexual systems. “In biology, an organism is male or female if it is structured to perform one of the respective roles in reproduction.”[3] Thus, “the fundamental conceptual distinction between a male and a female is the organism’s organization for sexual reproduction” which provides “the only coherent way to classify the two sexes.”[4]

It is interesting to note that such a claim is universally accepted when it comes to other species. As Ryan Anderson notes, “No one finds it particularly difficult—let alone controversial—to identify male and female members of the bovine species or the canine species. Farmers and breeders rely on this easy distinction for their livelihoods. It’s only recently, and only in the human species, that the very concept of sex has become convoluted, and controversial.”^[5]  

What about the Rare Cases of Physical Abnormalities in Individuals? 

That being said, “disorders of sexual development,” which rarely occur, “can result in ambiguous external genitalia, a mismatch between internal and external reproductive organs, the incomplete development of reproductive organs, and the formation of two sets of sex organs.”[6] Transgender proponents seize on this and claim that it demonstrates the existence of multiple and fluid genders (rather than distinct and classifiable abnormalities). To them, it proves that sex is not a binary but a spectrum.

However, there is not a “third” sex. There are still only two types of gonads, even if genitalia and organs are abnormal or mismatched. Therefore, “intersex conditions do not disprove the sexual binary . . . because intersex conditions are a deviation from the binary norm, not the establishment of a new norm.”[7] A disorder does not prove an order does not exist.  

“In cases involving intersex persons, there are body, chromosomal, and/or anatomical abnormalities that are medically diagnosable and empirically verifiable. No such parallel exists in the case of transgenderism.”[8] In transgenderism, there is no empirically verifiable evidence. Instead, the argument for transgenderism relies on an inner, subjective experience in which one's physical reality does not fit one's feelings (we will discuss that issue in the next post). Thus, acknowledging disorders of sexual development does not open the door to an endless spectrum of gender identities based on scientific data. “Intersexuality and transgenderism are apples and oranges.”[9]

In summary, the scientific data does not indicate that a person's sex is fluid or malleable. Instead, the data gathered by the scientific method demonstrates that the gender binary is in line with truth. In the next post, we will deal with which view fits reason and logic. 

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[1] Geoffrey Wainwright, “The True, the Good, and the Beautiful: The Other Story,” Journal of Theology for Southern Africa 107, (July 2000): 24.

[2] Ryan T. Anderson, When Harry Became Sally: Responding to the Transgender Moment (New York: Encounter Books, 2018), 47.

[3] S. Mayer Lawrence and Paul R. McHugh, “Sexuality and Gender Findings from the Biological, Psychological, and Social Sciences,” Special Report, The New Atlantis 50 (Fall 2016): 90.

[4] Anderson, When Harry Became Sally, 48.

[5] Anderson, 49.

[6] Anderson, 52.

[7] Andrew T. Walker, God and the Transgender Debate: What Does the Bible Actually Say about Gender Identity? (United States: The Good Book Company, 2017), 158.

[8] Andrew T. Walker, God and the Transgender Debate, 158.

[9] Andrew T. Walker, God and the Transgender Debate, 158.

The Truth, Goodness, and Beauty of the Gender Binary: Introduction

Philosophers have long considered truth, goodness, and beauty to be “ultimate values.”[1] This is, in part, because these ideals transcend time, geography, and culture. Without truth, goodness, and beauty, human life could not continue to exist. If it did manage to carry-on for a while, it would be a terrible existence full of hopeless darkness and confusion. Thus, when evaluating two competing ways of viewing life’s most basic questions, it helps lay out a case for which one best accords with these ideals.

When it comes to the issue of gender, there are irreconcilable differences between the biblical view and the modern Western view. The Bible describes the creation of humanity in binary terms. “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. And God blessed them. And God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply’. . . . And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good” (Genesis 1:27-28, 31).  According to the Bible, the binary of two sexes and two corresponding genders is “very good.”

This claim, however, is being rejected by some in modern Western societies. Cultural elites, political leaders, and the media supply a different narrative rooted in a different worldview. To them, the binary is outdated. More than that, they argue that the binary is not true, good, or beautiful. 

My plan is to do a series of blog posts to demonstrate that the gender binary ("male" and "female") is true, good, and beautiful while transgenderism is a denial of truth, morally fraught, and ultimately uninspiring. 

In doing this, I am not denying that there are some individuals who struggle with their gender. They are confused and hurting. We recognize that living in a fallen world means physical and spiritual suffering abound for all of us. All people are simultaneously sinners and sufferers. The gospel deals with both issues in a way that no human wisdom can. The gospel gives the hope of forgiveness and joy of knowing God. It connects us to God and his design for us. Christians believe true and lasting joy comes by living in accord with the truth, goodness, and beauty of God's design. That is where God is honored and humans flourish. Thus, the church offers the healing balm of the gospel to all people. 

In the next posts, we will begin examing the truth, goodness, and beauty of the gender binary. The goal is to equip us to value God's good design even as the cultural winds begin to howl in the opposite direction.

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[1] Crispin Sartwell, “Beauty,” The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy (Winter 2017), ed. Edward N. Zalta, accessed December 31, 2020, https://plato.stanford.edu/archives/win2017/entries/beauty/.

This is the beginning of a series of posts on the issue of transgenderism and the gender binary. It is an edited form of a paper I wrote for a doctoral seminar on cultural apologetics. I will be posting small sections of it at a time to make it easier to read. It has been edited for the blog.

"The Extraordinary Life of Helen Roseveare"

I just listened to a podcast about the life of missionary Helen Roseveare (from the Gospel Coalition). She was a single woman who served as a medical missionary in the Congo for much of her life. She was honest about her struggles, sorrows, doubts, and God's faithfulness in it all. I encourage you to listen to this talk on her life (the podcast is about 45 minutes long).

"Well-Behaved Women Rarely Make History"

Here is a link to an article by Tony Reinke on the idea that well-behaved women rarely make history. I found it to complement our study on manhood and womanhood. While our culture pushes the idea that we must do something grand and make ourselves well-known, we should see the reality that a life lived for God's glory in whatever he gives us to do each day is what heaven takes note of. Here is the conclusion of Reinke's article:

God-centered piety demonstrated on earth will not often make it into the record of our historians. There’s too little raw data to make it possible. Well-behaved women rarely make history. Fair enough. But our historians will not have the final word. I suspect the story of every faithful believer, even the most ordinary in this life, has generated voluminous records for eternity, and will find its story recorded in the epic of this age, a library filled with a million volumes of an unabridged record of every act and attitude which riveted the attention of our Creator — and stabbed the demons with dread.

Let's be content with being faithful in whatever God gives us to do, even if it doesn't catch the attention of the world.

How Should We Respond to the Bathroom Controversies?

I never thought I'd title a blog post using toilet language, but such is the world we live in. With news swirling about Target stores allowing people to use whichever restroom fits their "gender identity" and President Obama's administration issuing a letter to all public schools requiring the same thing, we must think biblically.

First, we must remind ourselves that our God is on his throne. Early Christians lived in a world of confusion, sin, and a government which allowed all sorts of terrible things. We find ourselves in a similar situation. And the most important thing that is the same is that our God still reigns. Nations may rage against him but he is still building his kingdom. So, let's not lose hope. The power of the gospel transformed lives then and it does today.

Second, in light of that truth, we must not give in to rage and bitterness. Those argue with bitterness and rage are like caught animals that are backed into a corner. We, however, are under the sovereign reign of our God. And we know how the story ends. Also, we know that we too were once enslaved to our own fallen minds, flesh, and even the Devil. Therefore, we, as recipients of grace, must be full of grace as we argue for what is good and right (Titus 3:1-8).

Third, we ought to know the facts of what is going on and be thoughtful about how to bring the gospel to bear on the situation. Out of our love for God and neighbor, we must see the significance of these cultural developments. More and more we are seeing the idolatry of self. The demand to be able to define one's own self contrary to the Creator's design. Out of love for God, and his glory, and out of love for those blinded by Satan and sin, we must lovingly speak truth and the gospel message. We must be prepared to suffer for doing good. We should argue for what is true and right, even if we are misunderstood and condemned by those we are seeking to love. Below are a few good resources to help in this.

• Albert Mohler's podcast from May 16, 2016 on the issue is helpful in getting an understanding of what is happening and how we might think about it.
• John Piper's podcast on May 16, 2016 on whether or not he would use the restroom at Target.
• A copy of the letter from the Department of Education and Justice. 
• Here are  few excerpts. 
• Regarding locker rooms: "A school may provide separate facilities on the basis of sex, but must allow transgender students access to such facilities consistent with their gender identity. A school may not require transgender students to use facilities inconsistent with their gender identity or to use individual-user facilities when other students are not required to do so."
• Regarding overnight accommodations (ie. hotels on trips):  "Title IX allows a school to provide separate housing on the basis of sex.22 But a school must allow transgender students to access housing consistent with their gender identity and may not require transgender students to stay in single-occupancy accommodations or to disclose personal information when not required of other students."

• Joe Carter's "Explainer" regarding what the Obama Administration has done with this letter it issued (he explains what the letter is, how it functions in government, what penalties will be imposed on non-compliant school districts, etc.). 
• This video (see below) from the Family Policy of Washington State which highlights the foolishness of current cultural thinking. If we can self-determine our gender, why not our age? I would wonder if a high school student self-identified as a 21 year old if they could skip school and, when brought in on truancy charges claim their new self-identity as a defense. And could they legally drink and when arrested again claim their new self-identity of 21 years old? 

You might also be interested in this video: 

"Women in Combat and The Undoing of Civilization"

A few weeks ago the Secretary of Defense announced that all combat roles are now open to women. In one sense this is not too new as women have been in combat roles for a while now. But this move is one that is serious. 

Denny Burk has a very helpful post on what exactly all this means and how we might think about it as Christians (or even just as a a society in general).

As usual I'll give you what I think is one of the most helpful sections (but you ought to read the whole article):

What kind of a society puts its women on the front lines to risk what only men should be called on to risk? In countries ravaged by war, we consider it a tragedy when the battle comes to the backyards of women and children. Why would we thrust our own wives and daughters into that horror? My own instinct is to keep them as far from it as possible. 

Perhaps some people believe that women ought to be able to volunteer for whatever job they are qualified to do. But what if the draft were reinstituted?

"He or She? How Should I Refer to Transgendered Friends?"

How should Christians refer to transgendered friends or coworkers? This will probably be an increasingly common issue in our culture.  John Piper has some very wise and helpful counsel (10 minute audio).

Finding a "Good Thing:" Initiating a Dating Relationship

Alas, we are getting to the nitty gritty of finding a spouse.

Initiating a Relationship

While you are praying and living out your Christian life, God may bring along a man or woman that you are interested in getting to know a little better. There are a few things I would counsel you to do.

Evaluate What Attracts You to This Person

Are you just attracted to his or her physical appearance? Physical appearance is not the main thing when it comes to marriage. God is more concerned with the heart (1 Pet. 3:4; 1 Sam. 16:7). You should have the same concern, because what pleases God should please you. Also, be wise enough to realize that physical beauty fades in this fallen world. 

The Bible does not place an emphasis on outward appearances, though it does acknowledge that there is such a thing as beauty and attraction. Our culture, however, seems to be all bent out of shape over this issue. We, too easily, elevate beauty and issues of attraction higher than what God says is important (i.e., godly character). We quickly become worldly or self-focused and put the emphasis on our tastes and preferences. Men, we do a disservice to our Christian sisters when we talk about how attractive godly character is and then fawn over ungodly, outwardly attractive women or when we refuse to consider a godly woman just because she is not what we envisioned our wife looking like (the same goes for you, ladies). God’s Word also tells us we are being foolish: “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised” (Prov. 31:30).

So, are you attracted to this person for the right reasons? Do you see a godliness and love for God’s Word and God’s people in this person?

Make a Move, Man!

Yes, you! You have the responsibility to exercise leadership and to take the bulk of the risk in a relationship. This is a practical way to protect her and to show biblical masculinity. The way you should do this is to approach her about it. Do not be like a second grader who tries to do reconnaissance by asking her friends how she feels about you. And do not be manipulative by saying God told you to ask her out. If she is smart, she will say she didn’t get the memo from God on that one.

Some of you men are wondering if you should talk to her dad. I would say maybe. If her dad would appreciate it, then you should be willing to approach him. If he goes to the same church as you, then I would strongly recommend that you approach him. But, if she is older and has been living independently for a long time or if her dad is distant in his relationship with her, you may not need to talk to him first. However, it may be good to talk to her pastor or some other man who is seeking to protect her. The biblical principle is to protect her and to honor any God-given authorities in her life. There is no command to ask her dad, but in many circumstances it may be a very good way to apply the biblical principles of love and honor.

Respond to His Initiative, Woman

Women, if you see a man who you are interested in, then you should continue to serve and love others while trying to observe his character and conduct.  Do not take the role of initiating and leading this relationship. That is not the way a godly marriage functions, and it should not characterize a relationship you are hoping will lead to marriage. If he begins sending mixed signals about his intentions, by singling you out and not officially trying to begin a relationship, you might need to ask him to clarify his desire. Your job is to be ready to respond to his leadership. I know this may seem counter to your desire to “make things happen,” but it is a good opportunity to trust God to accomplish His will in your life. Don’t manipulate the situation. Trust God.

If you are not interested in him, then tell him. And don’t blame it on God. Don’t say, “The Holy Spirit is telling me we shouldn’t date.” He can handle being rejected by you, but not the Holy Spirit. He shows love by taking the risk and you show love by being clear and kind in your response. 

This is part of the series God, Singleness, and Marriage: How the Bible Gives Purpose and Direction to Singles

Copyright Ben Khazraee. You may share this article with others, but please direct them to this blog rather than posting the text to your own website, blog, etc. You may share printed copies with friends as long as you do not charge more than the cost of producing the copies.

Prepare for Marriage: Learn Biblical Manhood and Womanhood

Last time we saw that preparing for marriage is really just maturing as a Christian by growing in godliness. That is a lesson for ALL singles, indeed all Christians regardless of their desire to marry.

That brings us to point number two. Every Christian, no matter his or her marital status, must grow in a biblical sense of masculinity and femininity. This may sound rather foreign in our egalitarian society which says that there is no difference between men and women. Our culture is quick to steamroll any distinctions between men and women because they think differences mean inequality. But, we must think biblically on this issue.

In His wisdom, God has designed men and women to complement one another (not compliment- though that isn’t a bad thing to do). That is, He has made them equal, yet different. Men and women are equal in their dignity as humans (Gen. 1:26-27), their need and path to salvation (Rom. 3:23, Gal. 3:27-29), and their ability to possess spiritual gifts (Rom. 12:3-8).[1]

Men and women are different in their roles. So what are the differences? Here is how John Piper summarizes what the Bible says about mature masculinity and femininity:

At the heart of mature masculinity is a sense of benevolent responsibility to lead, provide for and protect women in ways appropriate to a man’s differing relationships. [2]

At the heart of mature femininity is a freeing disposition to affirm, receive and nurture strength and leadership from worthy men in ways appropriate to a woman’s differing relationships.[3]

There is a lot packed in to these definitions. If this is brand new to you I encourage you to read his chapter entitled “A Vision of Biblical Complementarity” in the book Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood.[4] In that chapter, Piper unpacks each of these phrases. For now, I will point out a few of the key differences.

Mature masculinity is a responsibility to lead (Eph. 5:23).[5] It is not a “right” but a weighty responsibility (Luke 22:24-27). It is not self-seeking, but seeking what is best for those you are leading (Mark 10:45). Mature masculinity is also providing for and protecting (Eph. 5:25, 28-29). That involves taking initiative and not being passive. All of these things are to be done for the women around you in ways which are appropriate to your relationship with them (it looks different depending on if they are your mother, sister, wife, etc.). When it comes to dating, you must be the one to take the risk and try to initiate a relationship. When it comes to the direction of the relationship, you must not simply “go with the flow” but provide direction. When it comes to purity, you must lead her in holy ways.  

Mature femininity is a desire to encourage and receive this leadership, provision, and protection from godly men (Eph. 5:22). This means you are not domineering, and you are not a doormat (1 Pet. 3:1-6). You are active in responding to men in appropriate ways given your relationship with them (father, brother, husband, etc.). In a dating relationship, you are not submitting to him as you would a husband, but you are looking to see if he is the kind of man you could marry and therefore submit to. You are affirming and receiving his leadership in the current relationship.

This design of equality and distinction brings God glory and causes men and women to flourish. Therefore, men and women must learn how to biblically live out their God-given roles. Obviously there is a lot more that could be said. I have not had the space to provide the biblical support for this vision of manhood and womanhood. If this is brand new thinking to you, I strongly encourage you to spend time studying this issue.[6]

This is part of the series God, Singleness, and Marriage: How the Bible Gives Purpose and Direction to Singles. 

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[1] Note, a woman can be gifted by the Spirit of God to teach. This does not mean she should use this gift in a way which violates the Spirit’s clear directions in Scripture for a woman not to be a teacher of the Word of God to men (see. 1 Tim. 2:12). She should exercise this gift in other, God-honoring ways (teaching children’s Sunday school, teaching other women, etc.).

[2] John Piper, in Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, pg. 36.

[3] Ibid., pg. 46

[4] This is available for free download from www.desiringgod.org.

[5] I realize many of these verses deal directly with the marriage relationship, but as John Piper argues, these roles are ingrained into our natures as men and women, and these desires and actions don’t just spontaneously generate once we are married.

[6] For more information on this, check out John Piper’s book or DVD series entitled What’s the Difference: Manhood and Womanhood Defined According to the Bible.

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Copyright Ben Khazraee. You may share this article with others, but please direct them to this blog rather than posting the text to your own website, blog, etc. You may share printed copies with friends as long as you do not charge more than the cost of producing the copies.